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Captured: 3,000-pound shark in Lake Michigan explains missing persons

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U.S. Coast Guard confirms the capture of a 3,000-pound great white shark in Lake Michigan Sunday could explain the disappearance of hundreds of missing people in the region in the last decade.

63-year-old John O’Keefe, a tourist from Toronto, Canada, captured the 3,000-pound beast while fishing for sturgeon in Michigan Lake while on vacation Sunday. O’Keefe saying:

“I’d heard of the Lake Michigan monster, but never did I expect to catch it myself.”

His friend and Chicago resident Allan Brooks said:

“We reeled in the beast for a good 4-5 hours before we finally shot it and wounded it to the head. Luckily, I had my rifle in hand, or else this prize fish would’ve never been caught.”

shark michigan 2

Experts believe the great white shark — which is estimated at more than 1.5 tons — is the biggest fish ever caught in the region. Professor of biology at the University of Illinois, Allan Jameson saying:

“This is clearly not common to find such a beast so far inland. Either rising sea temperatures and depleted fish stocks possibly led the shark to adventure itself further into the Great Lakes region, but this is clearly the first occurrence of such a beast in the region that I can remember of. It is also possible it traveled to the region through underwater tunnels that interconnect between the Great Lakes.”

Authorities believe more than a hundred people from the last decade who have been reported missing in the area may have fallen under the fangs of the gigantic beast. Robert Helm, a local campground owner, says he had warned authorities about the series of disappearances saying:

campground

“I’ve owned this campground for the past seventeen years. I’ve had my load of visitors disappearing mysteriously over the years, but I was told not to say anything about it. People would check in, but they wouldn’t check out. Nobody ever believed me anyway and it would’ve scared away the tourists. It would’ve been bad for business in town.”

Sidney Johnson, spokesman for the U.S. Coast Guard, reassured local residents the occurrence of such a predator in the region’s waters “is highly unlikely” as sharks are not well adapted to freshwater systems, dealing great damage to their kidneys and respiratory system.

In 1916, a deadly shark attack near Presque Ile beach, in Lake Eerie, forcing local authorities to ban swimming in the region for over 14 years until the ban was lifted in 1930.

*This Article is satirical and intended to be humor. Lighten up people. 

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26 Comments

  1. karl anglin

    May 30, 2017 at 4:47 pm

    Amazing how that shark adapted to fresh water for so long!

    • bo jangles

      May 30, 2017 at 5:33 pm

      probably due to human nutrition all those years! 🤣

    • Bob

      June 1, 2017 at 6:31 am

      It’s amazing how many stupid people believe this article. The disclaimer is written at the bottom of it. Learn how to read, dummies!!!

  2. Kevin Duckett

    May 30, 2017 at 6:47 pm

    I think it is more likely that this is a Bull shark or possibly a hybrid of the two species.

    • Ronald Benisch

      June 1, 2017 at 3:32 pm

      Actually two different sharks pictured, the full view is a great white, the other a Mako. Bull sharks can and do inhabit fresh water, most notably in Lake Nicarauga, the Ganges and Zambezie Rivers.

      • steve

        June 1, 2017 at 8:04 pm

        same shark, different angle

      • Jude

        June 2, 2017 at 5:56 am

        I live in the miss river delta and i fish sharks i catch them almost year round in the fresh water especially bull and lemon sharks

  3. spartanric

    May 30, 2017 at 6:50 pm

    Has anyone ever seen the movie Ozark Sharks on the Syfy channel? Those beast can jump and fly!.Just think if we had a tornado in Detroit. Winsor could have it’s own Shark nado experience!

  4. Kevin Duckett

    May 30, 2017 at 6:50 pm

    If this is satire, I fail to see the humor in it.

  5. Robert McEldowney

    May 30, 2017 at 8:07 pm

    I know this is supposed to be satirical but i know for a fact that the lochness monster exists in this small apartment pond in ohio! Bahahaha

  6. sandi

    May 30, 2017 at 8:18 pm

    Is this fake news? I can tell anymore –

    • sandi

      May 30, 2017 at 8:23 pm

      Can’t

  7. sandi

    May 30, 2017 at 8:21 pm

    Is this fake news? I can’t​ tell anymore –

  8. Bob

    May 30, 2017 at 9:17 pm

    This is BS. R

  9. t.joseph

    May 30, 2017 at 9:32 pm

    It is not funny.
    Bad idea.

  10. Keith

    May 31, 2017 at 3:02 am

    It says its fake read everything people

    • Lily

      May 31, 2017 at 9:22 am

      Thank you Keith, right at the bottom of the artical it states it’s basically done for fun. It’s Amazing how many people will believe anything they read. But I guess that explains allot doesn’t it….

      • sam

        May 31, 2017 at 3:18 pm

        Lilly, allot means to dole out…a lot means a whole bunch.

  11. Jethro Bodeen

    May 31, 2017 at 1:43 pm

    Just more fake bullshit. Probably concocted by a Liberal Idiot!!

    • Kay

      June 2, 2017 at 12:53 pm

      That is why it says it’s fake. And be sure to drag politics into it!

  12. dennodogg

    June 1, 2017 at 2:39 am

    What’s the point of writing this fake shit? It’s so feckin dumb and unfunny it doesn’t even serve a purpose as entertainment.

  13. ethan

    June 1, 2017 at 9:56 am

    Satirical? For something to be satirical, it has to be funny as well as fake. This is just a lie. no joke here, it’s just some bullshit that didn’t happen.

  14. Christopher Anders

    June 1, 2017 at 9:34 pm

    Highly unlikely. From an expert think again dummies. It there can happen again it adapted and thrived on 100. People. Really expert . Think again .

  15. Frank Martin

    June 5, 2017 at 4:09 pm

    Maybe a descendant of the shark attack from 1961. Could have been born in the lake. Takes a few years to get to what 3,000 pounds.?

  16. Frank Martin

    June 5, 2017 at 4:10 pm

    Maybe a descendant of the shark attack from 1916
    . Could have been born in the lake. Takes a few years to get to what 3,000 pounds.?

  17. Geir

    June 16, 2017 at 3:24 am

    This is in no way satirical in nature…I think the author needs to do his research on satire. This looks and feels like a real article. The author is obviously part of the problem associated with ‘fake news’. You need to be fired, man; or at least learn the difference between satire and shit that looks real…douche-nozzle.

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